I feel like I'm in dance class right now
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize