in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
