Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
