He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
