a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
