if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
