I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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