I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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