I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
