is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
