So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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