I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
