Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
