so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
