It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You're a waste of cheezeits
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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