too bad you live with your parents still
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
