I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
