i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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