It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
