Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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