the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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