Please, let me fuck your mom
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
