You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
