dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
