Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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