I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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