I think I died a long time ago.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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