Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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