My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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