absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize