He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
