Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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