I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
