I wanna bring you to show and tell
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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