My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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