I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
