I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
