just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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