Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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