I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
