I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
