So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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