Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
