around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
