NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
