I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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