I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
