Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
