chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
