he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
