I am spending my child support on dildos
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
