I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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