those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize