they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
