So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
