I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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