So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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