dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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