Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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