Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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