i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize