And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
