Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize