im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
