I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
